If we have been’well brought up’ we might find it tough to resist the temptation to be helpful, help others, maybe not disappoint or cause offence.
– When we learn to become assertive and express ourselves well, in a suitable manner, it means that when we do say’yes’ to something we are delighted to undertake that additional job, fulfill socially, do a favor, take matters further. On occasion we may agree to do things we are not overly keen on or keep silent and bite our tongue. We are going to see it as a trade-off; it could be important to get brownie points or just be good ways.
But if we feel that our acquiescence is getting a normal pattern, that others expect us to always agree, we might need to take into account the signals we are giving. When we express ourselves well it will become an essential part of establishing balanced relationships. So it is important to note if others have started to see us as a pushover and’yes’ is now becoming the very damaging word in our vocabulary.
– Saying how we sense means that we are dedicated to establishing equivalent relationships, are eager to be open, honest and comfortable together.
If, over time, we notice that we are the person who’s always helping out, is obliging, saying’yes’ when we would like to say’no’ and getting nothing in return we might begin to feel frustrated and disappointed. Rarely receiving a simple’thank you’ can indicate time to begin expressing yourself better and stating how you feel somewhat more frequently.
– Recall though that others might not fully appreciate how you are feeling or thinking. If you are quiet you may seem sullen, indifferent or in agreement with what has been decided. The fact that you might have given a gigantic concession, or made a significant investment of yourself might have escaped their notice. They might have asked a question where they expected you to say how you are feeling and then only taken you at your word.
I recall a client, a leading female manger at a male-dominated national business. She was severely worried, working long hours with almost no free time or private life. She always said’yes’ to her boss because she was worried that if she did not he’d assume she was not coping and was not up to the job. 1 evening she had been driving home from work late at night.
She had worked on her confidence and therefore felt able to easily explain what she was working on, she was pleased to do the report but wanted his input rescheduling her workload to integrate the new petition. It was that he had been oblivious of her other obligations, was enquiring if she had some spare capacity and was pleased to find somebody else to do it. She dealt with his petition calmly and efficiently, expressed herself well and so avoided automatically saying’yes’ and end up working during the night.
– Great communications are important. Being open and honest, expressing clearly that you are delighted to do something, need to be reassuring, spend some time together, but want others to reciprocate, understand and appreciate your point of view is a good method of investing in your own relationships. It is important to indicate exactly what you would like from Wildlife Control Daytona in return.
– When we feel dumb, pressurised or second-guessed we could begin to feel resentful. Being the’good man’ can wear thin, especially if it becomes evident that others automatically assume we’ll go along with their wishes. But if we do not speak up and say how we believe we have to take some responsibility for other people’s assumptions. It’s important to manage a situation before it affects too much on our relationships.
If that is you, take the time to reflect on why you have this mindset, why this pattern has developed in your relationships. Were your role models people-pleasers, always compliant; was debate considered argumentative, unattractive, dumb; were your views and wishes criticised and dismissed?
– Looking at other people’s interactions and comparing them to our own may be an interesting exercise. Watch how others like adult discussions, talk about their fantasies, compromise and negotiate. We can then learn how to alter how we express ourselves.
Becoming more confident in a positive, assertive manner can add considerably to the quality of our relationships, and the spin-off could be that we also enhance our relationship with ourselves.